Navigating the Messy Path to Achieving Your Dreams
“It’s not about what you would do if you couldn’t fail, but what you will do when your path gets tough.”
Dream Big, But Let's Get Real (Real Big)
I see so many prompts on social media asking the questions “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” This seems to elicit the ‘big dreams’ which of course are great and can be broken down into aspirations and goals but often seem to be ‘suspended’ within the ‘so whats’. The reality is, of course that these big dreams seem by their nature unrealistic and most likely to result in failure, yet they hold the life changing wonders that would make life so fulfilling!
I am a big believer that we should pursue these goals, which is what puts the fire in my belly as a coaching psychologist and teacher.
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
Starting Out: When Dreams Seem Impossible
Conversations at the start of an individual's journey make these big dreams seem unattainable, unrealistic and so far from their current reality. Amazingly though, when the person is at the other end, having achieved their dream, it has become so attainable that I, without exception, have to remind them of their starting point. They’ll chuckle lightly about the things they were initially worried about, as they now seem so far removed from their current mindset. Their new success is so ‘normalised’, yet there is an added depth and fulfilment to their life. Although, of course, they’ll now be onto their next ‘aspiration goal’.
The Messy Middle: Embracing the Chaos
The middle bit is messy…it feels jarring, working with reality once the excitement of committing to the goal has waned. This really is tough, not the kind of tough like dipping your toe into the cold sea, gradually getting used to it and then being able to jump in straight away next time. This is the painful part: when you realise that you are actually further away from the dream than you even thought, that some of your initially enthusiastic actions were futile, didn’t happen, or are a complete mess. The frustration, the disappointment, embarrassment and tears….oh yes…lots of tears that I have shed going through this.
Why Do So Many Fail? Spoiler: It's Tough!
It isn’t a linear process as some people will lead you to believe whereby you set a goal, break it down into SMART targets, create new habits and boom you have won! It’s a messy, challenging process which requires grit, determination, leaps of faith and a lot of reflection. This is why so few people achieve their new year’s resolutions each year. However, there are so many people who do succeed, so why not you?
Reframing the Question: What Could Go Wrong?
So, now I think we need to tweak that initial question “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” by asking slightly different questions:
Which are the hotspots of my upcoming day or week that could lead me to ‘fail’ in achieving my optimal health, wellbeing and success?
Once you have identified these ‘hot spots’ you can take action.
Examples of ‘hot spots’:
Exercise: Not doing strength training again this week
Nutrition: Eating the cakes that are brought in by colleagues and not eating a healthy lunch.
Work: Procrastinating over difficult/boring tasks, being late in and not performing well in a task that is of great importance.
Finances: Poor budgeting
Relationships: Not calling friends/family; no time to meet, letting ego fuel an argument.
So ask yourself: “What can I do differently today to give me the best chance of success with these ‘hot spots’, which I will be proud of tomorrow”!
Example of actions:
Minimise the risk of failure e.g. making your lunch the night before so you don’t rely on the work canteen which will not hit your nutrition goals.
Gain the social support which you need e.g. share a worry with a trusted someone even though you feel embarrassed and fear they may judge you. People will surprise you and the weight that this will lift off your shoulder is huge! Be honest, tell them this is uncomfortable and listen to their advice.
Remove the likelihood of procrastinating e.g. block time in your day for strength training which is realistic and won’t impinge on other goals. If doing it in the morning will make you late for work then do it as soon as you get home. Leave weights next to your wardrobe, so when you get changed from work you can do 5 mins or a few sets. Start small to build up a new habit, rather than trying to schedule a full workout, at a new gym…
“Start today, and make your future self proud. ”
Alright, let's do this!
Take a moment today to spot those 'hot spots' in your week and plan one small, actionable step for each. Chat with a friend or coach about your goals and take that leap of faith. Remember, progress isn't always a straight line, but each step forward brings you closer to your big dreams.
Thank you for being here and reading this.
Take care and embrace your extraordinary!
Shanie
“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
